Dolly Alderton

I recently finished reading Dolly Alderton’s memoir “All I Know About Love” and walked away from it feeling quite reflective. Previous to having picked up her novel, I didn’t know much at all about Alderton, but her book came up a lot on “Best Reads for 20-somethings”. Having read it, I can see why. Dolly Alderton is a British journalist and columnist, who is most known for her reflections on love and friendship. Her memoir, “All I Know About Love” is about the trials of growing up and facing love in adulthood. She explores love that comes in many forms whether that be temporary flings, long romances, or the longstanding bonds of female friendship. It was refreshing to see love explored in its many forms.

One of the most profound chapters in this book for me was when Dolly talked about her relationship with her therapist, Eleanor. Recently, I have developed my own relationship with my therapist, and hearing the way therapy went for Alderton put a smile on my face. Most times I walk out of therapy angry or crying my eyes out, and I’m glad to see that normalized. Alderton does not paint a rosy picture of therapy. She does not claim that it fixed all her problems, but she does talk about how it helps. It helps because it helps her put the work into the right areas, and that’s what therapy is, hard work and a lot of tears. One of my favorite quotes from the book is “the big myth of therapy is that it’s all about pointing the blame at other people, but as the weeks passed I found the opposite to be true.”  For me, that quote resonated, uncomfortably so. In digging through my own psyche I found the difficulties of examining where you are going wrong. It’s the difficult part and the rewarding part, because you are the only person you can change.

Later when doing an interview with Well Doing, Alderton claimed that going to therapy was the best decision she ever made. Her therapist was brutally honest, and that was what worked for her. Even though that might not work for everyone. I know for me, a gentler approach to therapy works better because I am already so harsh on myself. Alderton claims that “therapy has changed everything in my life – it’s improved my relationships, it’s helped me control and understand my anxiety, it’s dramatically changed my historically unhealthy coping mechanisms including alcohol, drugs and sexual validation.”  It’s nice to see how therapy helped Alerton regain control of her own life. It also serves as a reminder that with a little help, anything is possible. 

Links:

https://welldoing.org/article/experience-therapy-talk-yourself-better-extract

ALDERTON, D. O. L. L. Y. (2022). Everything I know about love. PENGUIN BOOKS.