Jonathan Van Ness
On September 24, "Queer Eye" star Jonathan Van Ness published a personal memoir titled Over the Top: A Raw Journey of Self-Love. As an Internet and television personality, Van Ness is known for his ceaseless positivity, confidence, and self-love. But, as his memoir reveals, accepting himself has been a long time coming. At age 32, he has spoken out publicly for the first time about the "compounded trauma" he has experienced.
Van Ness' struggles began when he was a child when he was sexually abused by an older boy at his church. Though his family was supportive of him and his sexuality, his peers were not; he was a male cheerleader, "too fat, too femme, too loud, and too unlovable" for his high school classmates in Quincy, Illinois. Still carrying the weight of childhood sexual trauma, he turned to AOL chatrooms, seeking sexual encounters with older men as a self-destructive form of comfort.
When Van Ness started college at the University of Arizona to study political science, his struggles with drug addiction began. He started doing cocaine, using his monthly allowance to fund the habit. When that wasn't enough, he once again turned to sex, advertising himself online for money. This eventually culminated in him losing his scholarship and dropping out of school.
After leaving the university, Van Ness pursued a career in hairdressing, moving even farther west to Los Angeles. Though this was certainly a step in the right direction—he still styles hair outside of "Queer Eye" makeovers—it came with its own problems. He met a couple on Grindr who introduced him to methamphetamine. He took two trips to rehab, both of which were followed by relapses.
Van Ness says that the breaking point for him was the day he fainted during a salon shift. The very next day, he visited Planned Parenthood, where he received the news that he had tested positive for HIV, a moment he describes as "devastating". He was 25 years old.
He is, of course, doing much better now. He is clean of hard drugs, though he admits to still using alcohol and marijuana. He is also receiving treatment for HIV, which has become so effective in recent years that, given a patient can consistently and properly take their medication, it allows for a normal lifespan; given the success of "Queer Eye", Van Ness is in the financial position to do so where many others are not.
Knowing all of this, Jonathan Van Ness' bravery is all the more unbelievable. He had the courage to be openly gay in a fairly conservative Midwestern town over a decade ago. He had the courage to come out publicly as nonbinary, donning skirts and make-up with confidence well before the formal announcement. And, as we know now, he had the courage to keep on living in the face of addiction, illness, and trauma. Van Ness decided to be himself despite the opinions of his peers, he pursued his passion as a hairstylist even when things were looking bleak, he took himself to rehab and to Planned Parenthood. It's as if there isn't a moment of his life that doesn't demand strength from him.
And yet, he has strength to spare. Van Ness has made a living of helping others through his work on "Queer Eye". Just like the rest of the Fab Five, he isn't just there to provide a makeover; he is there for emotional support, instilling confidence in those who need it. The publicity he's garnered because of the show has just become another way to spread that confidence. Opening up about such personal information puts him in an incredibly vulnerable position, yet he chose to do so anyway. By sharing his story, he shows us that things can get better for us no matter how bad they may seem right now; by being unapologetically himself, he shows the rest of us that it's okay for us to be who we are as well.