Florence Welch

On May 3rd, 2018, Florence and the Machine released a new song called “Hunger” for her upcoming album, High as Hope. To fans, the new single was an exciting indie-rock tune with a great beat and powerful message. To Florence Welch’s family, however, the song was a shock. They did not expect to hear their loved one sing the first verse, “At seventeen I started to starve myself / I thought that love was a kind of emptiness / And at least I understood then the hunger I felt / And I didn’t have to call it loneliness.” Those lyrics were now-33-year-old Welch’s first time talking about her eating disorder. She knew that the release of the song would spark a nerve-wracking conversation with her mother and sister, but that it was time to open up and speak about her past.

Welch states that she now has a healthy relationship with her body, but she also admits that she will never be completely cured of her eating disorder. This explains why she felt as though talking about her history was worthwhile years later–it will always stay with her. As she describes in “Hunger,” eating disorders are not solely about food. If they were, it would be easy to move on and recover without looking back. Welch used starvation to cope with feelings of inadequacy, fear, and overall self-loathing. Although her eating disorder behaviors have since stopped, she still finds it difficult to accept love. In an interview with Rolling Stone, she says, “If you’ve been denying yourself nourishment in some way, you also have a tendency to deny yourself emotional nourishment.” By acknowledging this harsh reality, Welch tells her audience that it is okay to never feel fully recovered because that is not realistic. Recovery is an ongoing process that no one is ever finished with. In a song called “No Choir” from the same album, she returns to the themes of loneliness and emptiness by singing, “But the loneliness never left me / I always took it with me / But I can put it down in the pleasure of your company.” Welch may never completely stop struggling with the thoughts that fueled her eating disorder, but she shows her fans that everyone who is currently struggling will one day be able to feel less overwhelmed by their mental health, making the challenging recovery process worthwhile.

Another mental health issue Welch has experienced is substance abuse–both alcohol and drugs. She says that alcohol and music were her first loves. Alcohol and drug abuse has become part of the typical rock ‘n’ roll stereotype, so it was only natural that when she got sober she initially felt as though she was disappointing the world of rock music and its history. However, when Welch realized that she could still perform while sober, she felt free because she was finally allowing her deepest feelings to come through without substances as a barrier. Alcohol was part of her identity, but through sobriety she is now understanding who she is without it. She continues to challenge herself to break away from this part of her identity, which takes extreme courage to do. In a personal essay written for Vogue, Welch says, “. . . the judgment choir never stopped singing. It still sings now, though not as loudly or as often, and when it does, I try not to self-medicate with straight vodka or starvation.” She is learning to get by without the chaos, broken relationships, and hangovers that gave her inspiration for many of her older songs. Welch does not have to behave recklessly to be creative, and High as Hope shows audiences that although the mental transformation is hard, the results can be beautiful.