Though this may sound dismal, there’s so much more freedom to explore and experiment with what works once you’ve let go of sure-fire answers. On a personal level, what’s helped me most is completely immersing myself into a multitude of books and journaling about life from this newfound perspective; for my brother, it was dedicating himself to physical health and wellness.
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Short and sweet clichés that saturate our culture, like face your fears, tend to have some kernel of truth. With repetition, we learn to either reinforce our anxieties or learn to navigate the world with courage. Each step we take towards our intended selves, the selves that are able to triumph over our fears, leads us closer to gaining confidence over these fears.
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If you find it difficult to even start a conversation with yourself about loving yourself, imagine that you’re thinking about someone you really love. Maybe a best friend or partner for whom you want the absolute best in life. Would you want them to pursue a career outside of their true passions? Or pull all-nighters all the time?
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Sometimes we are sold the idea that we cannot feel joy on our own, that it must be artificially derived from bars, clubs, events, alcohol or a group setting. You can pick apart what elements of these experiences act as precursors to joy, whether that means expectation, friends, new people, ads, associations between certain emotions and settings, etc.
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For me, I was familiar with certain sets of attraction and relationship patterns that were ultimately self-destructive. Allowing myself the freedom to be independent and to choose those who are best for me felt weird. Sometimes people default back to familiar destructive patterns because they feel more safe and comfortable with them, but that’s simply a trick of the mind.
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In the midst of our most difficult moments in life, we need to be supported with truthful evaluations of our situation and how to move forward. The notion that “everything’s going to be okay” isn’t necessarily true, unfortunately, and can be perceived as a flat-out lie when we need someone to feel our pain, and feel our hardships.
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We have a tendency to cycle back to the past in all of its pain and pleasure as we voyage onwards to an unknown future. Ironically, we’re much better at forecasting the future when looking at the past and present, even if change lies on the horizon.
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Disappointment in isolation is more manageable than an onslaught: standardized rejection letters from publications, unexpected grades, let-downs in friendships and relationships, etc. Though the confidence I have in my writing abilities oscillates, I found that writing has always acted as a tether to the beauty and wonder in the world around me.
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Never has someone revolutionized my perspective so completely. She accepted all of who I was, so much so that I started to accept myself as well.
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Finding and acknowledging what we truly want out of life can be painfully difficult and requires brutal honesty. What you want, what your parents want, what society wants-those can be completely different paths, but ultimately what matters most is if you are happy with yourself.
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